Where there’s no outlet. feelings build up
on empty weekend afternoons in winter
the empty sound of commercial radio
the full sound of the cat purring in front of the heater
like the sound of cooking, wholesome
we reduce our routine activities to the minimum
cruise along barely conscious
these feelings which build up with no outlet
over years, over decades
looking down the same streets, looking at the same buildings
even though everything’s changed a lot
the yearning
changed too much really
changed so that half of the changes register but can’t be absorbed
but the yearning
maybe I just mean the feeling
a feeling
a feeling of the fullness of decades
the multiplication of experiences, connections
getting fuller, can’t be contained.
over the decades, the buildings get fuller
the streets become more detailed
knowing them like the back of your hand
but not like that
like the buildings and streets have the feelings
in the look of them
the landscape lives the feelings.
on Saturday afternoon the empty radio has football on
it goes on regardless
football crowds suddenly stream down the street from the station
for them, the streets are hard, for walking on
everything’s like an action diagram
man gets ball, man runs with ball
he is strong, I cower before him.